so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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