just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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