i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
