We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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