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I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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