No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
