i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
