my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
