I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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