well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
