just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
