u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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