I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
two words: eviction party
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
