I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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