omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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