Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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