remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
