so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We just shotgunned beers for America
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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