I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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