Betty ford says i'm here all night
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
