I cannot find my penis.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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