he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
