just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
