dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
