I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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