you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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