just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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