my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you win again, gameday.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
