I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
