tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
