Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
