At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
the liver wants what the liver wants
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
