I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
