I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
