I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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