Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
