I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
