you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
