I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
