Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
