Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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