sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
