don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
