Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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