Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
