he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
