Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
