I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
