Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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