could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
