"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
