Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
