Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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