i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
