nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
