Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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